Sat night drunkeness

People suck. That seems to be the general consensus. If it is not my government trampling the Constitution I worship, its local fucks making my life miserable. Hasn't anyone informed the world that I, Mike, am your fucking god? Bow down, dammit!!

**whew**

Anyways, I have been feeling a bit lonely of late. I think my depression is rearing its ugly head again. I don't have any more opiods to counter it. Damn. Not like I'd take heroin, but I'd probably be strung out under a bridge somewhere if not for my immediate family, ya know? And the demand for proper bathroom facilities. And for the fact that I would pass out if I had to inject anything in my body. I am such a pussy. But, my son's love does counter the feelings. It is just when he is asleep or I am at work do I feel lonely.

I built Chel a new machine. Works ok so far. May have to re-install XP as the updates got a bit screwy. Otherwise, its a beast. Love building machines. They're fast fast FAST!

I got lit tonight. Big ol bottle of Cabernet. I hate doing that, but since sex and drugs are off the list, its all I got for a Sat night.

Sl sux. But still soo additced.

L8rs-

Nice week and then some

What a nice week. I have been in training most of it, and will be in training this next week. This week will be more challenging, fortunately, as this last one was a snoozer. It did fill in the gaps of stuff I learned on the job. So, it was definitely worth it.

Got the part machined for the Lancia and she's been up and running ok. I do so enjoy driving her. I just got to get her interior and her AC fixed.

I am building Chel a new system. It will have an Asus P5N-MX micro-ATX mobo with onboard nVidia GeForce 7050 graphics and nForce 610i in a Ultra case. 2GB DDR2 memory, Intel Q6600 processor (same as my gaming machine), Sony DVD-RW, and 2x750 GB Seagate Barracudas in RAID 1. It will be one sweet Adobe platform.

I am thinking of taking my Coastal Cruising class as part of the return trip during the Harvest Moon Regatta. Just gotta pony up the dough. Would be a hoot.

Been enjoying all my newly digitized music collection. I even bought an external drive to provide scheduled backup utility. Suh-weet. I am surrounded my disk drives (right now, in this very room, 8 disk drives on 3 different machines are busily whirring away. Oh, the power bill!).

Been in Second Life a lot recently. Let me tell you: People are messed up. You think you found some people you can hang with and they go off and do some things they said that they just wouldn't do. Fucking incredible. I am still searching for folks that get me for me. I heard some BS stuff from some folks who cannot separate SL and RL (Second Life and real life for you n00bZ). Then, they go and do things that would be contrary to that. I am so confused. I am purposely being vague as these folks probably read this rag once in a while.

I think I have given enough time to come clean about an event that happened about a month or two ago. I ditched a friend. I believe I wrote about it, but I wanted to singe the fray, so to speak. I have known this person since we moved back to LJ in 98. Met her because I got my haircut at the same place my wife was getting hers. We hit it off and stayed buds. We went out once, mind you, but had an extraordinary time. Pretty much the only time we saw her was at the hair place or online. She didn't ask much of us, and we didn't of her. A very casual friendship, as most of ours are...ok, all of em. She drug up and moved to Dallas without so much as a bye for us and disappeared. Perhaps we thought the friendship was more to it than that, who knows. One thing: she never once even got online or dropped an email or called. We even went to Dallas a few times, each time searching the phone books for her name.

Fast forward a few years later, and poof she's married with a kid, living a county or two over. We excitedly invite them over for dinner. He was insulting and she secretly complained mightily about her situation. We offered what help we could, but it seemed that no matter what advice she was given, she was destined to keep repeating her mistakes than was pulling her, and anyone else who offered an ear, down. She was pretty frickin miserable. Due to their situation, they weren't online much. Due to the insults and situation, we never invited them back and politely turned down any other offers to hang out. We distanced ourselves.

Fast forward to this year. Same situation. She's more comfortable with her marriage, but its still a train-wreck. Its frustrating to be there for someone when those folks just love misery. Love it. She LOVES it. There can be no other explanation

But, there are excuses. Lots of them. Many, many excuses. He has some, she has more. Wow. We started texting, and then she came up with the most asinine excuse yet; the reason she didn't keep in touch was that she “fell” for me and since I was married, she had to just leave.

Horseshit. Fucking BS from a galaxy far, far away. How dare she play with my feelings like that. I countered with some BS of my own to alleviate the tension. She left because she ran away from the area, bad boyfriends, and the Brazosport Blues. She didn't run away because of me, or us, or anything between us. But I let it slide and the issue became moot quickly.

However, during a texting session, she mentioned she loved us in passing. It was a friendly thing, nothing more. I challenged that, playfully. What came next was the back breaker: She responded like “What do you mean? When? Then or now..?”
After letting it slide the first time, I just couldn't take anymore. It brought up our feelings then and now and the ridiculous situation she's in and I just couldn't take it. I permanently distanced us from her and her misery.

Yeah, it was probably selfish. However, I get to be selfish once in a while. I have earned it. I put up with a lot of shit from other people. We take it ok. However, I just can't handle all that emotional baggage and not reap any rewards for the relationship. It was a one way relationship. I have a lot of those. I go fix people's home networks or provide some tutoring help. They only call when something is broken. Thats ok. I enjoy the working aspect of it.

To get dumped on every time, though, as a function of the relationship is a big no-no. Hell, I just upgraded to unlimited texting just for her, ya know? I like to chat. Just not lied to and drug down into misery. I am too bipolar and suffer from my own depression to be someone's crutch if they choose not to improve things.

**Whew**.

Anyways. Tats. I have a number of them. They each have meaning and reflect different points of my early life. They're cool and I was quite rebellious when I got them. Not now. Everybody has tats. Especially women. Cute little butterflies on the ankle have turned into 8x10 tramp stamps or even more. Suddenly, tats have lost their coolness. It went from silent rebellion to punk to biker chic to trash in a blink of an eye. Wow. What happened? Guys are just as guilty, from the dozen or more tats that don't flow and resemble many nights of drunken stupor to sleeves and body tats that look like someone threw-up ink on them.

Talk soon, ya'll.
l8rs-

Lancia, SL, and chicky Engs

It has been awhile since I updated this blog. I apologize. There has been a few reasons.

First off, I have been busy ripping our CD collection. Yes, we're finally moving to all digital music. Currently we sit at almost 30GB of music. I still have more CDs to go, but the majority has been completed. A few of the rips didn't take, so I will have to redo a few, but most sound good so far. I put em all in a playlist and hit 'random', so it may be a year or so until I can sample enough of it to make sure :).

I added a new 400 GB SATA drive (WD Caviar) for the music. I will eventually obtain another 500GB backup to protect the music. Whee! I prolly could make a RAID array, but this mobo is old and has only two SATA slots, so I'd have to expand and blah blah blah. A Maxtor Onetouch will work just fine in the USB environment. I have one at work (although I am thinking of bringing that one home and using a smaller one there) and it works peachy. Its a lot cheaper than a dedicated backup server, building a RAID array, or NAS setup.

So, I'll probably buy a 80GB Zune or iPod soon. Let me know what you think of em. Was going to buy the 160 GB iPod, but I just don't need the space.

My job rocks. I have no idea what I am doing, but it is 10000x better than what I was. No stress.

I am working with this engineer at work. She's been out of college for about 10 months. Chemical Engineering from out of state. She is of Asian decent, just don't know the particulars. Cute, but not my type. She's so....boring. Not that she's not pleasant or nice to be with, mind you. She just seems like one of those folks who:
*Studied hard all the time in school.
*Would never think of getting a tattoo.
*Drink? Party? Might have had a cream soda once...
*Probably still a virgin, if not, might have lost it under a chem lab table.
*Nah...virgin.
*Thinks about work all...the...time.

Not that it is bad or anything. She probably is very happy and satisfied with her life. I wondered once what a romantic interlude with her might be like. It was awkward and uncomfortable. She just doesn't emote any...sensuality. That's it. She seems to lack what I most like my women to be: sensual. Smart is great. Smart AND sensual. Wowsers.

Oh well. Not like I am trying to date her or anything. Just an observation. She'll probably go through life never experiencing a fiftieth of what I have, and be fully and completely happy about it. Its just different.

My Lancia broke. I am having a new part machined at a shop in Freeport. Just affects the alternator bracket, but keeps her from working. At least I caught it before something bad happened.

My congratulations goes out to Melissa R. She just completed her Masters in Criminal something-or-other at U of H. Good job. I may have to work during your commencement, but we'll try to be there.

I think I will start building a new system. It will be a graphics workstation for Chel and her Adobe. I might get her to start building some Second Life stuff.

Speaking of which, I am back in SL. My av is Mikester Nikolaidis, so give me a holler. I bought some land and built a house (ok, pre-fab, but I am customizing it as much as I can). Its nice and quiet there. I will make a bid on some adjoining property if it come sup for sale. It is currently a rental, but I am sure the owners would love to just get the dough.

Still no offers on the modeling job, which is as well as the Lancia is not drivable right now. Craigslist scares me. I am afraid I'd get some heroin chic or underage runaway. Yikes.

The family is doing fine. No big issues or drama.

Hope to hear from the folks out there. Will talk more later.

L8rs-

Happy happy, joy joy

What a difference a good day at work can make in your life. I smiled most of the day. My first day in the new role, although I spent it in training (on a system we don't use, no less).

Ah. Astros won, too. Rockets...well, looks like they're gonna lose, but that is to be expected without Yao.

Came home with no stress. Very relaxed. Took a nap as I came home early. Wow. Feel great (except my gut is still sore from the weekend).

Rockets did lose. Oh well. Still feeling fine.

Gonna go now and do some reading.

L8rs-

Late Cake

I did finally get a cake. “Happy Late Birthday”. Yeah. My darling wife said she just didn't feel like getting a cake or anything that day.
Wow.
Says a lot right there.
Methinks there is some counseling coming our way.

It never is about getting a cake or gifts or whatnot. Its the thought. And, in this household, I am not thought about much.

Goes the same for Chlorine. My last day was Thursday. I didn't bother to tell a lot of folks as my boss didn't see fit to tell anyone either. Big meeting on Wednesday, yet he failed to mention I was leaving. I even spoke up during the meeting as to jog his memory. Nada. The ol “Don't let the door hit you in the ass” way of leaving.
I hate Chlorine Maintenance.

So, I have been very blue all weekend. My gut has been hurting, too, as well as my back. So, I spent most of the weekend curled up in bed.

I spend the next week in training on a system I know nothing about. Can't wait. Gonna be a fun challenge.

No takers on the photo model. Not even an interested query. Sigh. Might put an ad on Craigslist. See what turns up.

L8rs-

35

Today was my birthday. 35 years old today. Whooppeee.

My loving wife told me she was looking for a birthday card she bought months ago but couldn't find it now. Great. Happy fucking birthday to me.

No cake. No balloons. No nothing.

I did get a bottle of nice single malt Glenfiddich from Richard. Kind of a going away/bday gift. Nice.

Laura did take the time to drop a line. Thank you very much. I very much appreciate it.

My insurance agent, my mother and grandmother also sent cards. I do so sorely love that.

Fuck you to everyone else.

Goes to show how much I really mean to you. Its how I feel, so cope. Fuck you.

L8rs-

BTW- I am foregoing continuing the Yahoo 360 blog. Yahoo suxors.. I might learn how to RSS it later, but not right now.

End of the line

I had a rotten day. It started off bad and just got progressively worse. I will not bore you with the intimate details. You all know work sucks, so we'll just leave it at that. Working 12 + hours on Sunday just blows.

But...

I had to bail out of a friendship today. Not really a friendship. Was a friendship a long time ago. It was just a car wreck of late. Not going into detail, but its for the best. I know I bitch about having few friends, but this was completely one sided. And so full of contradictions. Just disgusting. Really. It wouldn't have worked and it was bringing me down.

Ok.-whew.

I am just not feeling well right now. Been upset all damn day. Some work choad pissed me off, but I was already torqued from other things. Grrr. Why do short people feel the need to strut and show off? Short people suxors.

L8rs-